Get Your Elf Off My Shelf
To begin, the disclaimers: if you love your Elf On The Shelf (EOTS), you won’t like this article, so you may stop reading here. If you are triggered by this little creeper that’s slowly killing our oceans, know that we can fight this. Together. #noEOTS. Finally, this is SATIRE. I made it up. You won’t find #keywords.
How It Starts